For some unknown reason, I take better advice from myself when I write something rather than reasoning through my own thinking, which is a paradox because I have to think of what I want to write before I write it but somehow it takes a better hold of me in this format.
Quite recently I've experienced a breakup, and through the effort of keystrokes I am helping myself and hopefully, this will help someone else as well. Surviving a breakup is difficult because your imagined future disappears and you find yourself suddenly on a precipice. All of the dreams, all of the fantasies that you had with the other person, now have to be undone. And you have to recognize that reality that you constructed together will not be lived.
These are the things you need to do in order to survive a breakup. Accept that the breakup is the right thing and that it's happened. Accept that you can control nobody except yourself. Realize that you cannot invest your wellbeing in the perception of another person. Learn to let go and move on.
Trust that the future is going to be okay for you. That not only are you going to find someone more appropriate, because that in a sense is a repetition of the pattern that you're trying to break. But you will find in the world, everything you need if you are willing to let go of other people's approval as the primary source for your self composition, and instead, find a connection to something beyond that.
Usually, when you have a co-dependent person in a relationship, it is because you've nominated them, or cast them in a role that they are not able to fulfill. A role that traditionally would have been fulfilled by a kind of icon. In a sense, romance is the imbuement, or endowment of the other, with qualities that no human being can ever have.
So you relinquish the person as an ideal. You become open to better possibilities, and primarily you let go of the idea that you know what's best for you. You open yourself to new advice, and you recognize that you are worthy of real love. I know what it's like, as soon as the relationship ends, you forget all the things that you didn't like about the person and go 'Oh no, they were perfect! Oh God, what am I going to do?' You set up your mental habits and patterns for maximum self-persecution and this is a habit that has to go, otherwise, you will repeat the same thing in every relationship that you are in. Use it as an opportunity to change, and know that the 'greatest love of all' is within you, and you are worthy of love.
Saturday, August 24, 2019
Monday, August 5, 2019
Be happy, it's your own responsibility
Many people wait for something to happen or someone to make them happy. If you expect others to make you happy, you will always be disappointed. Being responsible means not blaming others for your unhappiness. It means figuring out ways to be happy despite others’ (negative) behaviors and despite the external influences. In many cases of unhappiness, people experience difficult circumstances that create paradigm shifts, whole new frames of reference by which they see the world and themselves and others in it, and what life is asking of them. When you are caught in the stress of life, you can easily forget your responsibility and how you should react to stay happy, comfortable and calm. You will stop to notice what is awesome and magical in life. No one can make you happy, nor can you make anyone else happy. Instead of looking to get happy from a person or that new retail therapy purchase, or an external factor, view relationships as outlets for happiness, and focus on how you can give more happiness. When you leave your happiness in someone else’s hands, you’ll end up being dependent on them and when they leave you, you’ll become empty inside. Everything outside yourself can help you get better in life, but they are not the means to your happiness. Don’t be easily discouraged by unfavorable circumstances. Happiness is a choice. You have the ability to control your own emotions. Do not let anything or anyone rob you from your own happiness. Drop the negative, toxic people and dramas in your life.
Accept you for who you are. Accept that there are things that are beyond your control. Accept the things you cannot change. Stop comparing yourself to others all the time. Channel your brain to make a better comparison in your long-term interest, growth, and happiness. Change the object of comparison to yourself. If the urge to compare is too strong to ignore, measure yourself against yourself. Once you truly understand how to let go of your comparison mindset, you will see the world from an entirely different perspective. The dangers of pinning our happiness/progress with on how we measure up to others are too great to ignore. The more you desperately want to be like someone else, the more unworthy you feel. The more you desperately want to be happier, the lonelier you become, despite the awesome people surrounding you. The key to the good life you really need is giving a damn about what’s important to your growth and total well being. Chances are you are paying too much attention to negative information. When you start aiming at something different — something like “I want to be better than I was yesterday ” — your minds will start presenting you with new information, derived from your previously hidden self, to aid you in your new pursuit and quest to become a better version of yourself.
Happiness isn't a destination, it's a habit. It’s what we do to make everything else in life awesome.
And once we make that internal shift, we can put our day-to-day external frustrations into perspective. Our brains are wired to be negative, but the good news is that you can train your brain to hold on to happiness.
When your happiness is in the hands of other people, they determine when you can be happy. Free yourself today and be responsible for your happiness. The next time you want to look for happiness, take a look at yourself in the mirror. That reflection is the one who is responsible for your happiness.
Starting today, exercise your brain for happiness every day, and over time, you’ll train it for happiness and a better life. As you increasingly install experiences of acceptance, gratitude, accomplishment, and feeling that there’s a fullness in your life rather than an emptiness or a scarcity, you will be able to deal with the issues of life better.
Accept you for who you are. Accept that there are things that are beyond your control. Accept the things you cannot change. Stop comparing yourself to others all the time. Channel your brain to make a better comparison in your long-term interest, growth, and happiness. Change the object of comparison to yourself. If the urge to compare is too strong to ignore, measure yourself against yourself. Once you truly understand how to let go of your comparison mindset, you will see the world from an entirely different perspective. The dangers of pinning our happiness/progress with on how we measure up to others are too great to ignore. The more you desperately want to be like someone else, the more unworthy you feel. The more you desperately want to be happier, the lonelier you become, despite the awesome people surrounding you. The key to the good life you really need is giving a damn about what’s important to your growth and total well being. Chances are you are paying too much attention to negative information. When you start aiming at something different — something like “I want to be better than I was yesterday ” — your minds will start presenting you with new information, derived from your previously hidden self, to aid you in your new pursuit and quest to become a better version of yourself.
Happiness isn't a destination, it's a habit. It’s what we do to make everything else in life awesome.
And once we make that internal shift, we can put our day-to-day external frustrations into perspective. Our brains are wired to be negative, but the good news is that you can train your brain to hold on to happiness.
When your happiness is in the hands of other people, they determine when you can be happy. Free yourself today and be responsible for your happiness. The next time you want to look for happiness, take a look at yourself in the mirror. That reflection is the one who is responsible for your happiness.
Starting today, exercise your brain for happiness every day, and over time, you’ll train it for happiness and a better life. As you increasingly install experiences of acceptance, gratitude, accomplishment, and feeling that there’s a fullness in your life rather than an emptiness or a scarcity, you will be able to deal with the issues of life better.
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