Living with MS is hard to do. MS usually stands for Multiple Sclerosis but in this case M.S. stands for "My Self"
It's so ironic, a disease where your body is fighting your body. For those who are confused or don't know what MS is, it's a disease where your immune system attacks your brain. It causes disruptions with how your brain operates. For me, it affects my thinking and my speech.
Sometimes I can't speak right. My speech is slurred and have trouble with word finding, and I mean to say something but say something else. It has caused me a lot of grief and frustration. I get so mad at myself because my impairments cause misunderstandings and undesired repercussions that I don't deserve. I feel helpless, like I can't catch a break, and because I can't speak or think well, my attempts at pleading my case or explaining myself fail.So the real truth isn't exposed, which affects my relationships with my peers. I usually just give up and let people believe what isn't the truth, I end up feeling like an innocent man going to prison. This is why I have no friends.
I'm tormented by my own self being. I feel like no one can understand me or believe me. I scrutinize and punish myself frequently, I get upset when I say the wrong thing or can't say anything at all. I may as well put a toothbrush between my toes because my foot is in my mouth so much.I really hate myself sometimes.
I wish there was a cure already, I'm getting exhausted living this way. I feel really depressed, I'm going to see a psychiatrist tomorrow.