Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Running on fumes

Feeling depressed lately. Work is getting increasingly stressful. I'm one of those people who have the superhero complex, you know, when people take it upon them selves to make everyone happy and everything fixed. It gets tiresome of being the one who constantly solves a crisis (even though they aren't). I get stressed out easily, more so when I can't solve a simple problem in which, to me, feels like it could be the end of the world if I don't resolve that pending issue. I care too much what people think of me, I feel insufficient if someone is mad at me for being myself.

I do very physical and mentally draining work at my job almost every day. I'm reduced to just a shell once I get home because things eat away at me from the inside out. I feel like I'm constantly monitored inside and outside of the job. People constantly ask me if I'm okay or whats on my mind. I get sick of it. I can't even have my thoughts to myself. From my boss to even perfect strangers.

I'm so exhausted when I get home I don't have the energy to do chores. Just thinking about what I want for dinner is mentally and physically taxing. After driving 100 miles to work sites or driving in heavy traffic downtown, I do not want to drive anymore. Even to go down the road 2 miles for toilet paper.  Sometimes at work on my lunch break I just get in my truck and pull around to the back of the building, an escape from the world where I don't have to save the day or share my thoughts. A place I can be alone for an hour and refuel my soul. Tranquility...

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